Dear Wisegal: I am in my thirties and I work in the film industry. The hours are long, and the competition is ruthless. I make great money but it seems like all I ever do is work. I work to support my two mortgages, and I go home to an empty apartment only to sleep. I am addicted to the money, and while I don’t hate my job, in my heart I would love to get out of the rat race. I don’t have a relationship, and I don’t feel passionate about anything, but I’ve never given myself opportunities to try out different things. Is this all there is to life?
Signed,
Empty Life

Dear EL: No, this is not all there is to life. This is the life you have crafted, the result of the choices you have made. Each choice plays a part in shaping the ultimate results we get in life. Choose differently, and you will change the arc of your life, leading it to a different place than where it is now.

Our choices come from our values, the internal guidance system that shapes our lives. Some people aren’t clear about their values; they may have inherited values from their parents, or internalized the values of their culture or society.

For instance, materialism and consumerism are behaviors based on the value of objects as sources or indicators of happiness, pride, and success. Contrast them with behaviors like making art or helping others, which are based on values such as creativity, passion, and altruism.

Values aren’t in themselves good or bad. It’s more about how they work for or against you, and whether or not they lead to choices that make up a joyful and satisfying life. Your feelings about your life will tell you if your values and your behaviors are aligned with your soul’s deepest desires.

There are others who clearly know what values their choices are based on, but they either are willing to compromise or sacrifice for the sake of attaining results that they prefer or feel less anxious about. Your ability to make money may lead to the acquisition of real estate and material comforts, but you seem to be aware that those things aren’t enough. You wonder about living a different sort of life, a slower one that may feel fuller, freer and more purposeful.

You have to take a look at your life and see where the places are where you’ve compromised yourself for the sake of money or security. Money is good energy, if it works for us. Being enslaved to money is akin to being ruled by a ruthless god that has no consideration for the deeper values of life, and will prioritize money at the expense of the intangible but necessary elements of a well-lived and soulful life, vitality, passion, creativity, connection to others, a deeper purpose.

You speak of “an empty apartment” (I know you aren’t talking about it being unfurnished), and indeed it seems to be the metaphor for your life right now. You feel dispassionate and afraid to risk exploring alternate choices. These are the results of choosing money and lifestyle over time, energy and opportunities for discovering who you really are and what kind of life you want to live.

Security and comfort as trade-offs for self-discovery and self-actualization aren’t in the end such a good deal. You exchange the precious moments of your life, the time that you have, and your potential to do things that will make you feel fulfilled and alive, for the assurance that you will never feel overwhelmed, afraid or lacking. It is like seating yourself in your car and strapping seat belts on, but not daring to drive anywhere. You are safe, you are comfortable, but you are not getting anywhere.

Life just doesn’t work that way. Change is a constant, growth can be painful, and we will all, as Buddhism teaches, grow old, become sick, die, and lose those we love. The only thing left, according to those teachings, is our actions, or what we choose to do, with respect to ourselves and to others.

So, do examine your life, perhaps with the help of a therapist or close friend, and explore the following aspects:

Am I happy with the direction my life is taking? What values drive my decisions and goals?

What am I willing to give up to achieve those goals?

Does my life feel full and expansive or empty and constricted with the goals that I set?

What kind of life do I want? How do I want to feel about my life when I wake up each morning?

What would I be doing if I felt happy and contented with my life?

What do I fear, and how do I let this propel me forward rather than hold me back?

You don’t have to change your life overnight. Give yourself time, get help, use whatever resources are available to figure out how this story, your story, will play out. Remember that this isn’t a movie or a play, and there are no dress rehearsals.

Life is a splendid drama that is full of opportunities for love, greatness, creative expression, joy, depth, meaning and purpose. You can craft your life so that you have access to all of it. But you have to decide what to risk to achieve the full potentials. And sure, there is pain and suffering and loss, but they are there anyway, with or without the good stuff.

In the final scene of our last act on earth, are we going to be concerned with cars, houses, furniture, bank accounts and such, or are we going to relish memories of a life well-lived, full of risks taken, adventures embarked upon, people whom we loved and who loved us back, and being able to make a difference by being here on earth?

As the final curtain drops, would you want to say “Glad I did” or “Wish I had?”